Leading up the trip home, Kurt was pretty fond of Melanie and cared a lot for her. She was pretty unique, after all. Not many girls would be able to see past his appearance and really like him.

Having went back home has complicated things. He didn't say anything and managed to hide it, but his brief date with Amanda again... was nice. Even though he felt guilty throughout it, it's made him start wondering if he feels the same way about Melanie that he did for Amanda. Is he only dating Melanie for convenience, because no one other girl ever would? It may not be entirely like that, but it's definitely weighing on his mind now. He's afraid to say anything about it, because he doesn't want to hurt Melanie.

And then there's the matter of the AU. The way THAT Kurt felt for Melanie is different than how THIS Kurt does. He's not sure he can match that kind of bond. And more than that, he feels like he's lost something significant due to the fact his first time with sex ended up being something he thought was normal and no big deal at the time. So. Complicated. He's not sure what to do. It's why he's trying to stay on missions. Try and avoid the situation as long as he can.